GI Joe Fanfic Wikia


Los Angeles

Welcome back to CBS News, our top story: Mikhaila Klump, daughter of multi-millionaire property tycoon Ronald Klump has been kidnapped by Cobra terrorists from the family home in Los Angeles. LAPD officers initially engaged the terrorists as they emerged from the luxury mansion in the Bel Air area of the city, before realising the terrorists held a hostage. Two of the Cobra terrorists were killed by the family's bodyguards, before they were themselves shot dead.”

Scarlett shut off the TV set, cutting off the brunette's report. “Mikhaila Klump is being held somewhere in an abandoned town in the mountains east of the city,” she informed the other three members of the GI Joe team with her. “A California Highway Patrol helicopter tailed the Cobra convoy to the town before being shot at. We've been tapped to rescue her and take down the Cobras.”

“Why us?” asked Lady Jaye.

“Two reasons,” Scarlett replied. “First because we're sneaky, badasses who can do it and two, because the Cobras who captured Mikhaila are female. We’ve got the uniforms of the two dead women. They were shot in the head, so we can wear the uniforms and once we sneak in to the town, they won’t realise it’s us.”

“There’s four of us,” interrupted Cover Girl. “Don’t we need four uniforms?”

Scarlett smiled. “No, three. Jinx doesn’t need a uniform, she’s a ninja, remember?”

The petite Asian woman smirked. “I’ll even make sure you don’t need to worry about a bloodstained uniform, Cover Girl,” she commented.

“Gotta admit, though,” Lady Jaye put in, “We don’t see many frontline Cobras who are women. There’ve been a few secretarial types we’ve seen at the Consulate in New York, the odd Crimson Guard, like the ones Action Force ran into in Paris and London. Not many others though.”

“We think they’re a new unit,” Scarlett answered her. “A maid at the mansion told the LAPD she heard one of the Cobras saying something about this being their first mission and they better not screw it up.”

Two hours later

San Bernardino Mountains 

The town of Galena Valley had become a ghost town back in the 1890s; it was so small it had barely showed up on maps, now no one bothered to mark it on maps after it was abandoned. Six streets divided four plots of land that held the ruins of a church, a bar, a few stores and some houses.

In the gathering gloom the four women were virtually invisible as they crept through the trees toward the town.

Jinx was leading the way, her katana in a relaxed grip in her hands. Behind her came Scarlett in one of the black leather uniforms of the female Cobra soldiers, a crossbow in her hands. Lady Jaye was a few paces behind in the second Cobra uniform, carrying a suppressed M-16. Cover Girl, wearing black coveralls, brought up the rear, carrying an M16 of her own.

As they reached the edge of the trees, Jinx signalled to the others to halt. A pair of Cobras were walking along the edge of the weed-strewn ground ahead.

Jinx waved Scarlett forward and pointed. Scarlett nodded, pointed to herself and then to the woman on the left. Jinx nodded.

The pair moved silently forward as the women passed them by and crept up behind them. Jinx frowned behind her mask as she closed on the woman on the right. Bizarrely, their uniforms had a hole in the back that left a patch of skin around their shoulder blades bare. She hadn’t noticed it on Jaye and Scarlett’s uniforms. Shrugging it off, Jinx raised her sword as she closed on the woman, before slashing the sword through the air. The woman dropped as a quiet thud indicated the bolt from Scarlett’s crossbow had found its mark in the other Cobra’s spine.

The pair grabbed the corpses and hurriedly hauled them back to where Lady Jaye and Cover Girl waited.

Jinx kept watch as Lady Jaye and Cover Girl stripped the uniforms off the dead Cobras and Cover Girl sorted out which parts of the two uniforms fitted her.

“What the Hell kind of a top is this?” she whispered to Jaye and Scarlett, “It’s laced up at the back and zipped up the front with a damn halter-neck. Who designed this?”

Scarlett, who was sorting through the contents of the women’s pockets smirked but didn’t look up. “Trust the former fashion model to complain about the design of the uniforms.”

Muttering swearwords Cover Girl stripped off her coveralls, pulled on the top of the dead redhead’s uniform and did it up with help from Lady Jaye. She then pulled on the dead blonde’s trousers and boots, before picking up a pair of the gloves and put them on, followed by the kneepads and then the helmet and facemask.

Lady Jaye turned to Scarlett as Cover Girl fidgeted, adjusting the uniform’s fit in several intimate areas. “Any useful intel?” she asked.

“Not much,” Scarlett replied. She stood up, snatching up the blonde’s rifle as she did. She slung her crossbow over her shoulder.

“Let’s move out,” she ordered.

Lady Jaye, Scarlett and Cover Girl strode out of the trees and walked toward the nearest broken down house. Jinx slipped out behind them, walking in a fashion that hid her from view from the front.

The Cobras location wasn’t hard to deduce; four STUNs, three Stingers and four Ferrets sat outside the derelict church. Several Cobra were milling around outside talking. The team headed that way.

Before they reached the church, Jinx slipped away along the side of the ruin of an assay office.

The other three women kept walking. They strode past the Cobras into the church.

Shafts of moonlight lit the interior from the holes in the roof, not that there was much to see, other than broken pews, a rotten wooden altar and a frayed rope in the bell-tower behind the altar.

Two Cobras were standing near the altar; Mikhaila Klump was lying on a grimy mattress on the floor, her hands cuffed.

One of the Cobras turned as Cover Girl stopped inside the door, while Scarlett and Lady Jaye continued forward.

Cover Girl carefully eased the door closed, before Lady Jaye fired, killing the brunette looking at her. As the raven-hair woman left span around, Scarlett fired a crossbow bolt into her face.

Scarlett quickly moved to the hostage, pulling her up. Mikhaila opened her mouth, but Scarlett shushed her.

“We’re with the GI Joe team, we’re here to rescue you,” she whispered. Mikhaila nodded.

She took in the three women. “Three of you?” she whispered, “There’s like thirty of them.”

“Four of us,” Jinx put in as she slipped in the door at the base of the bell-tower. “And no more than twenty-five of them. I killed four out back. There’s a STUN and a Ferret out there, too.”

Scarlett nodded, “Good, let’s go.”

As they started toward the door, the main door at the other end of the church opened.

“Mikhaila’s getting away,” yelled a redhead. “I knew that wasn’t Melissa or Donna!”

Cover Girl shot her, “Very astute,” she commented to the corpse. “I wonder what you did, memorised eyebrow shapes or eyeliner colours.”

The shout and the unsuppressed burst of gunfire was enough to get the attention of the other women outside. They began charging in.

Scarlett and Cover Girl cut several down, even as Lady Jaye grabbed Mikhaila’s arm and hauled her toward the other door.

Jinx dove to where a rifle lay on the floor and snatched it up and sprayed several rounds at the Cobras.

“Cover Girl, get out to the STUN!” Scarlett shouted. “Get the girl out of here!”

The Wolverine driver nodded then ran the length of the church and out the door, behind Lady Jaye.

Jinx snatched up a hand grenade from an open box, pulled the pin and hurled it at the door.

“Let’s go, boss!” she called to Scarlett.

The pair charged outside to see Cover Girl seated in the driver’s position of the STUN, whilst Mikhaila was cowering in the left gunner’s seat, while Lady Jaye was crouched in the right one, weapon ready.

“Jinx, get on the rear gun station!” Scarlett called. “I’ll take the Ferret.”

The ninja leapt into the rear seat as Scarlett ran to the Ferret, threw herself astride it and quickly gunned the engine. Several Cobras rounded the church, only to get shot by Lady Jaye before Cover Girl got the STUN’s turbocharged diesel engine running and the assault vehicle leaped forward, before she wrestled it around into a turn.

Scarlett sped the Ferret around the church, lined up the two small missiles on the sides and fired them without properly aiming. The missiles slammed into two of the STUNs and exploded, flipping one over into a third, whilst the other STUN rolled into a Stinger, which promptly exploded.

Scarlett switched to the ten-round 40mm grenade launcher on the side of the ATV and fired off three rounds in quick succession. One obliterated a second Stinger, whilst the others hit two of the Ferrets and destroyed them.

“Clear the line of fire!” Lady Jaye shouted. Scarlett gunned the engine and raced clear as Cover Girl skidded the STUN around, lining up its 20mm cannon which Lady Jaye promptly fired, shredding the remaining vehicles, several Cobras and the side of the church.

Cover Girl slew the vehicle around and then accelerated, speeding out of town.

As the STUN raced away, the surviving Cobras opened fire, but Jinx returned fire with the rear-mounted 7.62mm machine gun, which sent them diving for cover.

The two Cobra vehicles raced down the dirt road that led to the highway below. Partway down the hill, two APCs were parked across the road, blocking it, their 20mm gun turrets pointing up the hill. Behind them were several California State Police cruisers, as well as FBI vehicles.

Several feet shy of the blockade, Scarlett brought the Ferret to a halt and climbed off, dropping her rifle. She then pulled off her helmet and mask before raising her hands.

Cover Girl brought the STUN to a skidding halt. She, Lady Jaye and Jinx climbed down from the vehicle. Cover Girl and Lady Jaye removed their masks and helmets.

“GI Joe operators!” Scarlett called. “We have the hostage!”

FBI agents and State troopers sprinted forward.

One of the Feds stopped by Scarlett. “Special Agent Monica Mulder,” she said, holding out her hand. “Nice work, thanks.”

Scarlett shook the offered hand. “Thanks yourself.”


I wrote this story to fulfill 2 vague notions I had: First to do a story that used the four female Joes and not have them in disguise as nurses or cheerleaders (cf Special Missions #11 and #24), yet still be badass and Second: to use the Night Stalkers Shock Troopers from the 2007 JoeCon set.

I also wanted to do a story that could pass the Bechdel Test of feminism in works: 1. there must be two named female characters who 2. have a conversation 3. not about a man. (Steel Raptors also passes)

Galena Valley is is entirely my creation.

Ronald Klump is a kind of parody/expy for Donald Trump, there was a brief moment in developing this story where Trump would've been the hostage and got killed. Mikhaila is a parody of Trump's ex Ivana's name.

Female Crimson Guards appear in Marvel UK's Action Force weekly #6 and #8 - encountered by Lady Jaye, funnily enough...